


That Idea

by fightforyourwrite



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Old Friends, Training Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 03:56:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11372070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fightforyourwrite/pseuds/fightforyourwrite
Summary: Rico Brzenska acknowledges the passing of an old friend.





	That Idea

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, I posted this on my writing blog right on June 30th, which is Nanaba's birthday.
> 
> I was going to post it here on that day, but school got in the way and I didn't end up getting home until 9 in the evening. 
> 
> Better late than never, huh?

In a way, Rico should have expected to see that name at one point or another. It was unfortunately inevitable, as it was just a part of their world that they had to live with.

Perhaps the last few years of not seeing that name at all had made Rico forget that it could actually happen. It numbed her in an unique way. The shock that came with the possibility had worn off as time went on.

What was left in Rico’s heart was emptiness, emptiness and nothing more.

When Rico is tasked with delivering a list of casualties from Dot Pixis to Anka Rheinberger, she sees a name near the top that makes her stomach drop.

> _**Nanaba Kaspar** _

Rico believes the reality of the situation in a matter of seconds. There is no point denying death, whether it happens to the Garrison or the Survey Corps.

What good will come out of such naive hope? What is to be gained by wishing that someone survived?

It would be a lie. An easy lie, a comforting lie, but a lie nonetheless.

When someone, friend or family, is gone, they’re gone forever. There’s no force in the walls that can bring them back.

Rico should know that more than anyone.

When Rico sees the name of an old friend, she simply swallows her feelings and keeps on walking. She has to get the list to Anka and carry on with the rest of her duties.

A part of Rico, a very deep, seeded part that she never acknowledged, had believed that Nanaba Kaspar was an exceptional soldier.

Something convinced Rico that Nanaba would always be there; breathing, calculating, caring, dedicating.

But things weren’t always like that. The truth was, Rico initially believed that Nanaba would be gone on her first expedition outside of the walls.

Rico could remembering seeing the Survey Corps leaving Wall Maria on the first expedition after her class’s graduation.

She was a rookie soldier back then, fresh out of training and ready to start a career. A younger Rico stood on Wall Maria that day, looking down at the Corps on their horses and wondering if an old friend of hers was somewhere in the crowd.

Nanaba had survived that mission back then, and she had continued to survive the next few of them during the next upcoming years.

They didn’t have much time to be friends like they were in their training days. Their careers took them on different paths.

The Garrison higher-ups liked to dump most of the grunt-work on the rookies.

For her first month of service, Rico was stuck with the menial task of peeling potatoes and sweeping floors until she couldn’t feel her hands anymore.

But Rico and Nanaba still made time for each other.

There were times where they met on top of the walls, catching up as they took in the view from the top of the world. There had been some occasions where they were even lucky enough to share a drink in the same tavern.

They often liked to talk about their training days; like the time Rico had gotten bucked off her horse, or the one afternoon where Nanaba had approached Rico with a pair of scissors and a favour.

Rico was nothing close to a barber, but she had agreed to help Nanaba nonetheless. Over a bathroom sink, Nanaba leaned forward while her friend snipped off her blonde locks.

The process was messy. Rico wondered what Nanaba was thinking when she asked a tiny, nearsighted soldier to give her a haircut with scissors clearly not made to cut hair. Snipping off Nanaba’s ponytail was the easy part, cleaning up the rest of her head was the tough part.

Luckily, Rico managed to not mess up as badly as she could have. After half an hour of cutting, Nanaba’s hair was left cut and shortened.

Neither of them could remember what Nanaba did with all that extra hair afterwards. Either she burned it or threw it away. It didn’t matter what she left behind her after training, it only mattered what she had gained.

Rico is a very career-focused person. She puts her duty as a soldier before anything else. But the exception is usually Nanaba, an old friendship that Rico never expected to have had for that long.

As Rico walks through the hallway of a Garrison HQ, she tries to push every thought of Nanaba out of her head.

She knows that a part of her will want to talk about it with someone, but another knows that everyone she feels comfortable talking to isn’t around anymore.

Perhaps Rico was lucky to have been with Nanaba at all. The little time they had as friends was a luxury in their world. Things could have ended a lot sooner, and against every odd in the universe, things did not.

But there’s an emptiness in Rico’s heart. As she tracks down Anka and hands her colleague the paper, she feels something inside of her akin to a hole.

A part of her does not feel like it’s there anymore, like it has suddenly been lost or ripped from her bare hands.

At first, Rico tells herself to push that emptiness down and ignore it. But eventually, when Rico knows that she’s truly alone, she tells herself that it’s okay to mourn.

When she has some time to herself in the evening, she lets herself feel for an old friend.

Losing Nanaba doesn’t feel like losing Ian or Mitabi.

Rico witnessed both of their deaths. In the moments after, she fell to her knees, broke down, and let herself cry.

Nanaba was different. Rico didn’t know how her old friend had died. It was all left vague to her. The unfortunate reality was that Nanaba could have died horribly, screaming for her life or begging for her pain to stop.

But Rico layed down and tried to push that thought out of her head.

In her mind, Rico Brzenska imagined a scenario where Nanaba Kaspar had died peacefully, looking up at the sky or realizing that she was satisfied with the life she had lived.

That idea pleased her.


End file.
